I recently received the sweetest message from my friend Amanda. She and I were really close once, and then parted ways for a while. We have recently reunited. So this message from her was unexpected versus one of my best friends that I talk to every day. I am not sure what made her write it to me, but the fact that she took the time to write something so beautiful to me, literally made me cry. Here it is...
"Jill, you are truly an amazing mother. The girls are so lucky to have a mother like you. You blow me away daily with the effort you put into everything for your girls. I hope you have an amazing day!"
The reason I am sharing this is not to brag. It is because this type of reaching out to fellow Moms and letting them know they are doing a good job seems to be almost non existent today among my generation. And I am not sure why. Seems everywhere I turn I am seeing Moms judging other Mothers, whispering about them, looking them up and down. Talking about them behind their backs. Wondering what their motives are for doing what they do. Who are they trying to impress? What are they trying to prove? Why do they have to try to outdo everyone?
I have said in previous posts that the supermom title in my blog was there to remind me everyday to try to live up to that monicker. To never stop wanting to be better for my kids. But recently I have realized, I HAVE lived up to that monicker. Because guess what? WE ALL HAVE! We are ALL Super-Moms in our own ways. And it is time we start treating each other with more respect, compassion, understanding, and love. It is truly interesting to take an inventory of the friends and women you have in your life. And ask yourself some tough questions. Such as, is this person the type to reciprocate my friendship or does it seem one sided? Does this person speak positively about other friends? Other Moms? Other people? Does this person treat me how I would want to be treated? Is this person capable of telling another Mother she is doing a good job, or she has great kids?
There are women out there who are literally not capable of celebrating the other women in their lives. These women are very cheap with their compliments but don't mind taking a sarcastic jab and disguising it as a joke. Whether they are joking about you wearing heels to the park or being an over achiever. They are very quick with their barbs but not so quick to tell you ONE thing they actually admire about you. They can't bring themselves to compliment your outfit, your photo, your child's accomplishment or your own. They may not even realize they are doing it. Maybe it is subconscious. Then I have friends that literally tell other women everyday how beautiful they are. They remind them they are amazing. They tell them how important they are to them. They thank them for being in their lives. They compliment complete strangers on their clothes or hair. They are the first ones to hit the like button on a photo you post that is important to you, or a facebook status about your kids. It is this empowerment of other women and this boosting and lifting them up that they thrive on. Who does not want to hear they are a good mother? They are doing a good job? They chose a snazzy outfit? They are having a good hair day? They are good at something?
And speaking of being good at something... you can be bitter and jealous that your friends are so talented at certain things. Or you can learn from them. I am surrounded by talented photographers, crafters, bakers, decorators, singers, shoppers, dressers, mothers, sewers, advocates, teachers, fitness gurus, party planners, etc. And I SOAK THEM UP LIKE SPONGES. I want to learn as much as I can from them and maybe just maybe they will teach me something new that adds value to my life. They will challenge me and help me grow or help me add a skill I might not have otherwise learned. Why squander this? Embrace it... don't HATE it.
At the end of the day, whether you are a birth mother or adoptive mother, a breast feeder or formula feeder, a working mom or stay at home mom; Cloth diapering or disposable, you are Amazing! Whether you had your kids scrapbooks ready to go before their first birthday or whether they are already in elementary and the scrapbook is getting dusty, you are a Super-Mom. Whether you are a Betty Crocker or Julia Child in the kitchen or whether take out is your savior, you are a Great Mom! Whether your house always looks like it is tidy and clean or whether you have toys and laundry piles around you are Wonderful! Whether you are PTO President, Soccer Coach, in the stands of every football game or whether you are lucky to make it to the school for parent teacher conferences, you are Enough!! Whether you vacuum and mop religiously, have a cleaning lady keeping your house spotless or whether you run around the house hoping the wind behind you will blow the dust bunnies away long enough to buy you an extra day or two before you get to it, you are Fantastic! Whether you are back in your skinny jeans after 4 kids or still struggling to lose the baby weight from your first, you are BEAUTIFUL! Whether your house looks like something out of a Pottery Barn catalog during the Holidays or whether you are lucky to find any decorations at all in your garage, you are Awesome! Whether you wear the trendiest clothes, hairstyles and make-up and rock heels at the playground, or whether you wear ponytails and gym clothes like they are your uniform you are Perfect! Whether you have the happiest marriage on the block or one that is hanging on by a thread, you are Spectacular! Whether you are behind the camera or in front of it you are a Rockstar! Whether you are blogging, uploading, printing or sharing or you have pics on your camera from over a year ago, you are Present! You are doing the best you can with what you have. You love your children and take care of them, nurture them, protect them, feed them, bathe them, clothe them, hug them and kiss them. THAT is what makes you a Super-Mom. Nothing else. Nothing more. The rest is just noise.
So go compliment a Mom today, or a friend. Go tell her she is fantastic. Tell her she is beautiful. Don't assume she is hearing this at home, or that she only does what she does cause she is looking for compliments. Don't be bitter and hold them back. The next time you want to judge a Mom in the grocery store or anywhere, give her a sympathetic look instead. We have all been there. And you never know what is going on in their lives. The Mom that looks like she has it ALL together could be the one barely holding on and could be the one that needs a hug or compliment more than anyone else.
We are ALL AMAZING. xo