Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Happy FIFTH Birthday to Our Beautiful Ella Belle

My Darling Ella,
I can not believe another year has passed so fast. It has been 5 years since you made me a Mommy. Well actually almost 6, cause I felt like a Mommy from the minute I saw the plus sign. I talked to you, sang to you, rubbed you in my belly, and protected you in every way. I LOVED every second of being pregnant. I loved every kick. I loved EVERYTHING about it. But I knew I was going to love being pregnant before I even conceived you. I had waited my whole life to be a Mom. I had already moved to a new State and left my entire family behind, so I could be ready to give you the kind of life I wanted you to have. I threw my college degree aside and my career aspirations and embarked on a journey of Mother, Teacher, Nurturer, Nurse, Chauffeur, Cook, Cleaning Lady, Baby Whisperer, Playmate, Storyteller, Disciplinarian, and Friend amongst other things.

I wish I could say that these last 5 years have been so blissful. They haven't always. While I have enjoyed them and they have gone fast they have also been the most trying of my life, the most trying on my patience and the most trying on my marriage. ;) There have been times when things were blissful and there have been times when things have been so awful I didn't know how we were going to make it through. But we did, didn't we baby? Even though we have had a roller coaster the amount of love I have for you is not measurable. Even better, the love you have for me makes me feel unworthy. It is so amazing being your Mom and I think you were given to me because someone knew you would be hard work and high maintenance and only an over achiever, type A personality who LOVES a challenge would be able to raise you. Ha ha.

I am so in awe of you and so unbelievably proud of the progress you have made. I have a new found level of love for you now that you have started Kindergarten. I am not sure what happened. Not sure if it is that I appreciate you so much more now than I have so much less of you. Or if I am just so proud of how mature you have become. Or if it is that I am so happy that I believed in you, even when others didn't, and knew that you would figure things out and would adjust to the dynamics of your new school, new routine, new rules, new classmates, teacher etc. But you seem so much more grown up and so OLD since starting Kindergarten. And your very funny lately. Your stories, your demeanor, your jokes. You make me laugh a lot.

So here are some words about you as you turn 5. Your smile literally breaks my heart a teeny tiny bit every time I see it cause it is just radiant! Your dimples are beyond adorable. You get a twinkle in your eye when you smile that lights up your whole face. You are such a girly girl and you love to wear lipstick and makeup and dresses. You love animals, you love PEOPLE. All people. You love your friends with a passion (sometimes too much). You love swimming, riding bikes, being outdoors. You love Spongebob and dance class. You love coloring and drawing and reading. You love candy and cake frosting. You love Sprite and going out to eat. You are sensitive and can get your feelings hurt so easily. You are gullible enough to still believe that Mommy is magic (like when I do something you think is amazing, or when I kiss your booboos and they no longer hurt, or when I use my special powers to banish all monsters from your room.) I wish you would believe that forever but I know you wont.

I have protected you from bumps and bruises and major injuries like no other. You have never had to go to the emergency room since the day you were released from the NICU (not even cause you were sick) and I intend to keep it that way as long as possible. I don't ever want to have to see you in a hospital again. You almost made a trip at Disneyland when you cut your forehead, but we managed to avoid it. :) I have shielded you from scary movies (even movies like Wizard of Oz that I think might be too scary for you) I have shielded you from movies like Shrek even, cause I think they are not appropriate, ha ha! Daddy says I keep you in a bubble, and he is right to a point. But I like it that way. :)

I have also sheltered you from some of life's hard lessons, as I am not really ready for you to learn them. You know very little about death, or violence, or suffering. You know very little about fighting, hatred, wars, or anything cynical in the World. I don't want you to. There will a time when you will learn these things and a piece of your innocence will be lost forever. So I would prefer to keep you from them for as long as I can. And thankfully we are very blessed and fortunate and in a position to be able to shelter you a little longer. You have a wonder and amazement of the world and the places, people, and creatures in it.

You need to learn to appreciate your sister more, which I hope will come in time. You are so good to your friends, but not so much to your sister. Not sure if it is because she always hounds you, interrupts you, or messes with your stuff. But one day you will appreciate and love her for the best friend that she will be one day to you. So I am patient and do a lot of refereeing. And when you are being sweet and loving to her, my heart melts.

I am so blessed to have you, that you chose me to be your Mother, and that you have taught me so much on this journey. You have forced me to learn patience, you have taught me how to love. You have taught me how to let go a little, to breathe deep and to trust in the love I have for you. And you have taught me that I must be doing something right. Cause the way you look at me, and the way you talk about me, and the notes you leave all over the house for me that profess how much you love me tell me so everyday. The way three letters M.O.M. often end up on of your school papers with a heart now and then... the way your teacher tells me you brag about me to her, and you run in from lunch and show her the notes or jokes I leave in your lunch box... And the way you ask me every night lately if I will sit with you and rub your arm till you fall asleep, makes me feel more loved and appreciated then a card or a thank you ever could.

Here are your birthday ABCs as you turn 5 my precious girl. I wish you the most AMAZING year of your life.

A: artistic
B: bossy
C: creative
D: diva
E: eager
F: fun
G: gabby
H: happy
I: innocent
J: jokester
K: kind
L: lively
M: musical
N: naive
O: observant
P: particular
Q: quizzical
R: radiant
S: sassy
T: tester
U: unique
V: vivacious
W: whiny
X: xtraodinary (cheating)
Y: youthful
Z: zany

Love you to Saturn's rings and back ;)


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