Thursday, August 12, 2010
HAD TO SHARE THIS!!!
Ok so I was just sort of floating through blog land and reading online articles when I came across some stuff that literally had me laughing out loud. Now please if you are going to read this, you must have a sense of humor and be able to laugh at yourself or don't read it at all. lol.
First there was this article here which had the Top 10 Best Things about being a Mom
1. Little kisses from little lips that are wet, sticky and filled with an unabashed love of YOU.
2. Getting the opportunity to experience life all over again from a fresh beginning
3. A standing ovation every time you return home from doing anything -- even if you just ran to the gas station
4. The opportunity to secretly whisper your Christmas wish to Santa Claus - just in case
5. Once again you can dress up for Halloween for absolutely no reason.
6. No more need to justify why you own three video game systems, a gameboy, and an entire collection of Star Wars action figures.
7. Tax Deduction, Tax Deduction, Tax Deduction
8. No more questions about your clothing choices. Everybody assumes you are too tired or too busy to care about fashion
9. You no longer look like a weirdo when you talk to yourself in the grocery store. Everybody thinks you are just mumbling to your kids
10. It's nice to have someone who thinks all your jokes are funny - even when you aren't making one
Then a funny blogger Mom decided to retort with the following article titled 10 Reasons I Hate My Kids. Seriously... brace yourself. I laughed so hard I almost peed. I quote her:
"OK, before you freak out over the headline: "How can you say you hate your kids?? I just LOVE being a mommy!!" Sorry, but you're probably the same woman who said it was "love at first sight" when you laid eyes on your newborn in the delivery room. Come on. How can you fall in love with a shriveled, crying, poop machine? If you want to delude yourself, that's fine--maybe you've seen one too many Johnson & Johnson baby lotion commercials. The truth is, having kids is a huge pain in the ass, but most moms are too brainwashed to admit it." <-- still laughing just reading it again! Anyhow here is her list:
1. My car consistently reeks of rancid milk. So much for that new car smell.
2. Because of my kid, I'll never, ever, ever, get my flat stomach back. I know my kid's to blame 'cause she was the last one in there.
3. In order to strap my toddler into his car seat, I have to use every ounce of my physical strength as if I'm subduing a psychotic mental patient. And I have the bites and scratches to prove it.
4. Because changing urine-soaked sheets and comforters when they've wet the bed isn't my idea of a good time. Just once I'd like to hear the sound of my washing machine NOT running.
5. When she spit rejected semi-masticated food into my hands.
6. When my toddler, mid-tantrum, drops to the sidewalk like dead-weight when I'm in a hurry. A walk generally turns into a drag.
7. Trying to pretend I give a sh*t about Dora the Explorer.
8. If it weren't for my kid, I would never have to set foot in that demonic mouse palace known as Chuck E. Cheese.
9. My once beautiful couch, walls, and drapes are covered in peanut butter and fluorescent Play-Doh.
10. I used to really like to have sex--that's how I managed to pop out a kid in the first place. Now I'm so tired, I'd rather stick a fork in my eye.
Her post got such a reaction from Moms who could relate that she posted a second list. That's right! Added 10 more reasons to her list. LMAO. This article is here and was titled (you guessed it) 10 More Reasons I Hate My Kids. lol I will quote parts of it here:
"While checking out another parenting website, I came across an article entitled "Top Ten Best Things About Having Kids." In it, the author breathlessly counts down the reasons she's grateful to be a mother. I don't know what sugarcoated world the mom who wrote this lives in, but my day-to-day reality of having kids bears no resemblance whatsover to her list." ..."Look, I don't know this woman, though I bet she's nice, real nice. And I'm sure she and I would have loads to talk about, provided we talked about--what else?--our kids and how "blessed" we are to have them. But still, I've got to give her credit for her heart-warming article. It was an inspiring read. In fact, it motivated me to to add to my previous post, 10 Reasons I Hate My Kids." and here they are:
11. Every crevice of our house is so filled with tracked-in sandbox sand that our entryway looks like beachfront property.
12. Being forced to engage in "scintillating" conversations about the consistency and smell of "poo" with my feces-obsessed toddler.
13. Our refrigerator, completely covered in preschool crafts, looks like a bad modern art exhibit or like someone threw up on it. Or both.
14. Because my children consume so much milk, I'm thinking of taking out a second mortgage for a down payment on a dairy farm.
15. Watching my two kids go at it is like being ringside at a WrestleMania. I only wish it was fake.
16. "Adventure" travel has been reduced to attempting to navigate two cranky kids through Costco without having a nervous breakdown.
17. Their obsession with playground swings has made my "pushing arm" look like Popeye's. The only thing missing is the anchor tattoo.
18. Screams of "I do it myseeelf!!!!" make it nearly impossible to get my kids dressed and out of the door. In order to arrive anywhere punctually, I have to pad my prep time by 8 to 10 hours.
19. Since we're still in the toilet-training stage, my son's shaky aim has made my bathroom smell like the men's room at a Greyhound bus station--complete with wet toliet paper strewn across the floor.
20. And the last reason I hate my kids? Because they make writing these lists so darn easy.
This reminds me. Most of you know I am obsessed with my quest to become a better Mom. To enjoy my kids more instead of surviving them. To look at them as people I want to hang out with it, and not people I am obligated to take care morning, noon, and night. LOL. And it is working. And I have become obsessed too with Kelle Hampton and her blog because she inspires to suck the joys of out Motherhood instead of just sucking AT Motherhood. Ok I am kidding there. That was harsh and self-depricating. Bad Mommy. Bad. LOL Anyway as much as I love her blog, one day I was so annoyed with how difficult my children were making it for me to stand being in the same room as them and one of her overly cheerful life is so wonderful blog posts just really ANNOYED me for some reason. And since she and I have exchanged emails a few times I just decided to ask her why I never read about her kid being a SHIT! I thought you would enjoy our email exchange. She is so sweet and funny and her advice was common sense and made me want to give myself a dope slap. So I thought I would share it with you all and this post seems like the perfect place to share it. So here goes:
Hey Kelle, Ok, I love your blog. I read it all the time (sometimes I have to read a months worth in a day cause I get behind). BUT I have so many days where no matter how upbeat and wonderful I want to be and how much I want to suck the marrow out of life, my children just want to suck. No pun intended. They just want to spend the entire day crying, cranky, throwing tantrums, not eating, not napping. Not listening. Doing the opposite of everything I tell them. Getting into things they are not supposed to. Even when I try to distract them with baking, coloring, playdates, picnic, bubbles, etc. Nothing I try seems to be appreciated which makes me feel like a circus ring leader jumping through hoops all day until bedtime and getting nothing in return but more frustrated. You have inspired me to make so many changes but I would love your advice on how you handle these days. Sometimes I am able to distract them enough to turn the day around. But some days I want to sit in the corner and eat my own hair... lol
Interested in sharing a blog post on this subject with your loyal blog followers who may think like me... "how can everyday be so flipping wonderful in her house? Aren't there times she wants to lock herself in a room and barricade the door so she doesn't have to hear one more attitude or tantrum or whining...? LOL Aren't there days when she says I know I don't have a choice but I just don't want to do this today. I wish I had a nanny to come rescue me for a few hours...?"
Have a Happy Fourth Weekend! Heading to Capri? or something even more adventurous?
And here was her reply.
Ha ha. I do have those days once and awhile and I suppose, with more kids, you have more of them. You know what I do when it gets like that? I become a kid. Seriously. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. When Lainey's is tired and whiney and just demanding my attention, sometimes I know it's going to be like that the entire day because she didn't get a nap or it's just a bad day...and when it does, I just tell myself "nothing's going to get done today, so might as well call it a day" and I give up having to do my stuff and just play. Literally, lie on the floor with her and paint, play-doh, watch a movie (and I try to psych us both up by talking all excitedly and making popcorn and throwing all the pillows off the couch and making a fort)...I try to think what would have totally made my world when I was that age and then I just become a kid and do it with her. Are there days when it just sucks either way? Sure, yes. And there have been a few days where, after she's sleeping, I'll lie next to her and tears will roll down my cheeks and I'll whisper in her ear, "Mama's sorry I lost my cool today. You're just little...you don't know any better."
And when all else fails..."this too shall pass," I tell myself. Tomorrow's always a better day but when you look at things from a kid's perspective and just become a kid for half a day...get excited about what they do, sometimes it helps. There's always a glass of wine too. Ha.
See why I love this woman who I have never met so much? (Thanks Kelle for always sharing so much of yourself and your positive attitude and for being such a great role model to Mom's everywhere.)
at 11:24 PM