Yesterday I was hanging out in the pool with Ryen listening to music and the song 'Drive' from Incubus came on. Anyone who knows me knows that I can't NOT sing while listening to music. Lucky for me, both my kids LOVE when I sing to them. So I started singing Ryen the chorus while she was clinging to me in the pool. "Whatever tomorrow brings I'll be there, with open arms and open eyes yeah." This time though, while holding her and staring at her beautiful face, I found myself getting really emotional at these lyrics. It seemed like a Mom's anthem! Who else can ever tell you words like that and truly mean it? It made me realize what a presence I will be in my Children's lives for so many years to come and how I will really be there for them with open arms for the rest of my life.
It also made me realize how much I have to look forward to with my kids. From them starting school, to learning to read, to playing sports and music/arts. From their first boyfriends and their first BEST friends, to their first major disappointments. From the Family traditions we will start to the times they actually WANT to hang out with their Mom (by choice!- lol) From their first heartaches and breaking my heart for the first time. From them learning to drive my car to them getting their own licenses. From all our Holidays to all our Family vacations. From them graduating high school and leaving my home for college, to them graduating college and turning 21! From them getting married and having babies of their own... and starting this beautiful cycle all over again! I just felt so overwhelmed and so fortunate and was feeling so excited for what I hope is SO much time ahead of me with my Girls.
Sometimes I get so caught up in the day to day of changing diapers and potty training, and spoon feeding, and strapping kids into strollers and high chairs and car seats, and handling and avoiding tantrums and fighting over nap times and bedtimes, and all the other stresses that come with two young kids, that it is easy to sometimes feel like you don't get as much as you put in at this age. Sure, I get joy and fulfillment out of my children now, but I bet it can't even measure to how much they are going to enrich my life when they mature into the people they will become. How many memories, good and bad, we will have. How many ER visits and scares we will have. How many accomplishments and milestones we will celebrate. How many tender family moments we will have (and some not so tender family moments- hee hee). How many times they will cry on my shoulder and know that their Mom will always be there to listen and comfort them without judgment. Or how many times I will be the first person they can't wait to tell when something wonderful happens to them. Or how many times I will see their faces light up in wonder or amazement or sheer joy throughout their lives.
Not to mention I can't wait to see the Sisterly bond that forms between them. I can't wait for them to be Best Friends and comfort each other, and play with each other, and stand by each other, like only Sisters can. Sounds crazy but I even can't wait for them to bicker over clothes and jewelry and shoes and boys and phone time and computer time and TV time and fill my house with all the sounds of... well... family. I hope that when Jimmy and I have to say Good-Bye to them someday that they will be in each others hands and will be each others "true soulmates". (I should state that obviously this post takes a lot for granted about time, and the order and way in which things should play out in life, but I have always been an eternal optimist, so I am ok with that...)
It is easy to sometimes think about all the things you give up when Children come into your life. Especially when every Holiday or Vacation seems to be ruined by tantrums or crankiness or no naps. Or when you haven't had a date night in like 6 months, or been able to go see a movie, or hit a ballgame or a restaurant that doesn't pass out crayons. Or when you wonder when the last time you were truly able to sit down and watch what you want to watch on your TV or have an uninterrupted conversation with an adult... Today I feel like while singing to Ryen I got some clarity and got a moment see the forest through the trees, so to speak, and to focus on all the things I will gain from this wonderful experience/experiment (wink) of Parenthood.
Nothing compares to it... Sigh.
I love reading your blogs about motherhood. I too can't wait to be a moter someday and experience it all. Since I don't know you personally, what brought you to Arizona? What did you do for work before you decided to be a stay at home mother? was it something you and husband knew you'd always do? Just curious :)
ReplyDeleteHi Vicki! Thanks! What brought me to Arizona was the weather and the Real Estate. My soon to be husband (at the time) and I were trying to buy a house in the suburbs of Boston and had a severe case of sticker shock. We couldn't believe how little we were going to get for our money. We just wanted more. Plus we always hated the cold. And lastly, yes I always knew it was important to me to stay home with my kids like my Mom did for us, until they were old enough to go to school. Luckily my husband thought it was just as important. One income families today with one stay at home parent are trying to accomplish what our parents in the 70s did, but with 62% LESS income than what they did it with. That's why you always wonder how did they do it? Salaries have not risen to the same extent that inflation and demand have raised the price of goods. So we knew we would have an easier time affording to stay home if we got out of bo$ton and moved someplace cheaper! When are you thinking of mother hood Vic?
ReplyDeleteWow! That's the same reason why my boyfriend and I moved here. Quitting my job back in NE was hard for me and I'm still adjusting to the new job I have. As for children, when the time is right for both of us. There is still some traveling I'd like to do beforehand, but really any time would suffice for me. We also grew up with stay at home moms and we share the same thought. I've mentioned that I'd like to be a part of the "hot moms club" ;)
ReplyDeleteHa ha... The Hot Mommas club, is no longer. It was a playgroup I helped get off the ground, but unfortunately we all got real busy as our kids got older and we started having more babies, and then there got a point where there was too much drama. But I made some real good friendships in that group, that will last a long long time. How did you find my blog Vicki, I always wondered. And what part of NE are you from?
ReplyDeleteAlso, can I say one thing, where I am probably overstepping my boundaries here. If you are waiting to have kids to do traveling and other things, then make sure you actually DO IT. LOL My husband loves to talk about what we could/would be doing if we didn't have kids and always mentions traveling etc, yet when we had no kids, we didn't travel. We didnt do weekend getaways or festivals or hop in the car for an adventure (all the things that kids make it so hard to do) and I wish we had before we had them. ;) Just my two cents. You dont want to find you have waited two or three more years and still havent done the traveling cuz you havent gotten around to it yet...
ReplyDeleteI love that song, it reminds me of what is important in life for some reason. I think each stage in life has new trials and adventures. We just have to keep our eyes open and our hearts ready to enjoy what life brings. I am glad you take time to spend with your kids. It is a tough job but only special people can be mothers.
ReplyDeleteMy boyfriend found your blog while searching google for Murphy Law's Irish Pub reviews, your blog popped up. I'm from a small town south of Omaha called Plattsmouth.
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