Friday, February 13, 2009
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Confessions of feeling like a Super-BAD-Mom!
It is midnight. I am exhausted and I would love to be sleeping right now. But I cant. I cant because my two year old is going through such a difficult phase right now that I don't know how to help her. She has such bad separation anxiety that took me forever to realize. I thought she was just being a little shit, no offense. I thought this was her pushing my buttons, testing boundaries, throwing tantrums and trying to get her way. But now I really think there is something else going on.
For starters, there has been a big change recently. Which is that I have made a commitment to health and fitness and to getting myself in shape. I also committed to making time for me, and to stop feeling guilty about taking time for myself to work out, since I am no good to my family if I am not healthy and happy. But this isn't easy. I have been putting Ella/Ryen in the gym day care 3-5 mornings a week for about 5 weeks now. Every day of the week for the last 2 weeks straight. Every time we pull into the parking lot, Ella tells me the same thing... "Mommy I don't want to go to the gym." It breaks my heart but I have to tell her, too bad, we are already here. Then I spend the entire time trying to convince her how fun the gym daycare is and how much she loves it. Why do we do that? Why do we tell our children how we hope they will feel about something, instead of listening to how they really feel? But what else can I do? This is the one thing I do during the hours my children are awake, that is for me!! Everything I do is for them or my house or my dogs or my husband or my family or my friends. Sure I get time to myself at night to do things I love, like Blog or watch my favorite shows, but even that is gone now...
... which brings me to why I don't blog anymore. I used to have a blissful home where both my children were in bed asleep by 7:30pm and my husband and I had the whole night to ourselves. Starting almost exactly at the time that I started putting Ella in the gym day care 5 days a week our house was turned upside down. We have a child that seems angry and whiny all the time. She has so much aggression. She is so impatient. She is in a word AWFUL. She started crying screaming and pounding on her bedroom door at night for 1-2 hours a night. EVERY night! I cant even tell you what it is like to live in a house filled with that sound at night. The time when you are supposed to be able to curl up on the couch with your husband and talk about your day, or put your feet up finally, or slip into the tub. And instead we have to listen to that god awful sound and worry she is going to wake up our other baby. We tried soothing, comforting, ignoring, spanking, punishing, tough love. You name it, we tried it. We find a solution and it works for only a night or two filling us with false hope that our nightmare is over, only to have it start up again.
Ella has some good moments throughout the day too, but is really lashing out. Jimmy and I spent the first few days sympathizing, then jumping through hoops to keep her happy and calm, then pissed off when that stopped working, then resentful at how unbearable living in our own home has become, to walking on eggshells to avoid setting her off, to now trying to kill her with kindness and understanding... We have literally run the whole gammet here. The only person in our house Ella wants to be around is Ryen. Literally. She will hug and kiss and love on her like no tomorrow while simultaneously hating me an Jimmy and the dogs. LOL.
I have to say I have seen on TV and I have witnessed first hand, parents that would just let their child act in such reprehensible ways. Let their kids talk to them and yell at them and treat them with such disrespect it made my jaw drop. I always said to Jimmy no way that will be us, I would never let my kid talk to me that way, or treat me that way... yada yada yada. (and although we have stuck by this for the most part) I now have an understanding of how those parents find themselves in that situation. When you spend your whole day fighting with someone who is completely irrational, and with someone who cant be reasoned with, and with someone who doesn't remember from one second to the next what they are fighting about, and changes their mind from one second to the next, you are left mentally exhausted! When you feel beaten, when you feel like you don't want to get out of bed, when you don't even have the desire to be around your own child, when you have tried everything from begging to pleading to crying to laughing to kissing/hugging to talking to spanking to punishing to rewarding and NOTHING seems to work... I can see why some parents chose to say, this isn't worth it. I give up. Whatever keeps this kid out of my hair and happy and smiling he/she can have it within reason. You want to talk to me like I am scum? I wont react. You want to watch 8-10 hours of Noggin? Go for it, at least you are away from me. You want to have hot dogs every night for dinner. Fine, as long as I don't have to listen to you. Because when normally you would have the energy and the mental capacity for these small parental challenges, when you add them up and EVERY single thing you do is a fight, it is tempting to start living in survival or defense mode. You just want to make it through the day and hope every morning when you wake up that this phase is over. Of course this is NOT the thing to do. And we know that. Because you start doing this and then the day you are praying for... the day you wake up and this "phase" is gone? It doesn't come for 3 years and you just made yourself a hostage in your own house for that long! No thank you!
It is 12:15am and Ella has been quiet now for 20 minutes. I have some hope that I may actually get some sleep tonight. See the other side effect of my putting her in the gym daycare is she has been sick non-stop. She went TWO years without one ear infection. She now has her third one in 6 weeks. THIRD! And no it is NOT the same one because it keeps switching ears. Complications from colds she is catching the doctor tells me. So we dont know if this behavior Ella is exhibiting is because she has been sick and in pain for the last 6 weeks with only a few days reprieve here and there. Or if she is angry about being put in the gym every day or both? We just don't know. What we do know is we have a child who refuses to take her antibiotics because she is allergic to the only one that actually tastes good and most kids will swallow without trouble. Instead she has to take one that tastes so bad Jimmy gagged when he tasted it. Even when we flavor it it only helps a little. We hide it in juice, ice cream, milk you name it. Doesn't work. She refuses to eat/drink it. We pin her down on the ground and try to shove it down her throat and she has figured out how to close her throat by gurgling the whole time she is crying and we are pinning her, which just causes the medicine to pool in her throat until she is ready to spit it out all over us and herself. Yesterday we went through a weeks worth of antibiotics in one day just trying to get her to take it, and she took none of it. Twice she spit it out all over me and her hair and her clothes and face (gone) and once we mixed it in with juice out of desperation (which she didn't drink) and since this was the kind of medicine where your largest dose is on day one followed by smaller doses all the other days, we ran out of medicine. I had to beg for a refill and pay out of pocket for it, since insurance wouldn't cover a refill same day. UPDATE: she still hasn't taken it.
Ella wakes up crying out for me every 20 minutes starting at about 11pm and lasting until 1-2 in the morning. Last night it started at 1am and lasted till 3am. I get up more times in the middle of the night for her than I do my newborn. She says things like "I don't want Mommy to go" and she cries every time she wakes up and sees I am not in the room. I come running to reassure that I will always be there and I am just down the hall, and it doesn't seem to bring her any comfort. Even with nightlights and her door open etc. I don't want to get in the habit of sleeping on her floor or in her bed with her, but I actually crawled into bed with her for over 1 hour the other night and it didn't work. She would actually fall asleep for 2-3 minutes and I would literally watch her snap herself awake to make sure I was still there. She looks like a college student falling asleep in the front row of class and not wanting to get caught by the professor. It is crazy. I am like GO TO SLEEP!!!! Meanwhile I am exhausted! And there doesn't seem to be end in sight.
Another sign she has bad anxiety, she walks around the house sometimes saying "Where'd my Mommy go" if she cant find me. She will ask Jimmy where I am, and he will have to assure her Mommy is hanging up clothes, or Mommy is in the bathroom. Lastly, she has been shy at playdates with friends. When my friends say hi to her she shoves her hand in her mouth and buries her face in my leg. She wont cross the threshold when we go to someone's house. I have to use Ryen's carseat and my leg to practically shove her through the door. Then she clings to me like a static sheet on your clothes from the dryer, and when she wants to finally explore something she grabs me by the hand and says come with me Mommy. She never used to be like this, and I didn't notice any of this as potential signs of separation anxiety. I just thought it as a cute little shyness phase she was going through. And when she was asking where I was all the time, I just thought, she really likes me. =)
So I have to try a new more tender approach to this situation and reassure her to help her with her separation anxieties, but it still doesn't solve my problem of my gym daycare being a germ pit thanks to idiotic parents who put their sick kids in there when they shouldn't. I just dont see things getting better for us anytime soon... That is why I have been MIA on the blog lately and why I cant go out for drinks or dinner, and why you wont see me at a Girls Night Out or evening event for quite some time. =(
Sorry so long but I have been holding this all in and needed to get it out. If you are still reading this and didnt fall asleep or have a birthday go by before you could get to the end of it, Ella is still asleep and it is 12:35. I have the courage to finally stop venting and crawl into bed. And Murphys Law states that as soon as I fall asleep, Ella will either start crying looking for me or Ryen will need to be fed!
Zzzzzzzzzzzz
For starters, there has been a big change recently. Which is that I have made a commitment to health and fitness and to getting myself in shape. I also committed to making time for me, and to stop feeling guilty about taking time for myself to work out, since I am no good to my family if I am not healthy and happy. But this isn't easy. I have been putting Ella/Ryen in the gym day care 3-5 mornings a week for about 5 weeks now. Every day of the week for the last 2 weeks straight. Every time we pull into the parking lot, Ella tells me the same thing... "Mommy I don't want to go to the gym." It breaks my heart but I have to tell her, too bad, we are already here. Then I spend the entire time trying to convince her how fun the gym daycare is and how much she loves it. Why do we do that? Why do we tell our children how we hope they will feel about something, instead of listening to how they really feel? But what else can I do? This is the one thing I do during the hours my children are awake, that is for me!! Everything I do is for them or my house or my dogs or my husband or my family or my friends. Sure I get time to myself at night to do things I love, like Blog or watch my favorite shows, but even that is gone now...
... which brings me to why I don't blog anymore. I used to have a blissful home where both my children were in bed asleep by 7:30pm and my husband and I had the whole night to ourselves. Starting almost exactly at the time that I started putting Ella in the gym day care 5 days a week our house was turned upside down. We have a child that seems angry and whiny all the time. She has so much aggression. She is so impatient. She is in a word AWFUL. She started crying screaming and pounding on her bedroom door at night for 1-2 hours a night. EVERY night! I cant even tell you what it is like to live in a house filled with that sound at night. The time when you are supposed to be able to curl up on the couch with your husband and talk about your day, or put your feet up finally, or slip into the tub. And instead we have to listen to that god awful sound and worry she is going to wake up our other baby. We tried soothing, comforting, ignoring, spanking, punishing, tough love. You name it, we tried it. We find a solution and it works for only a night or two filling us with false hope that our nightmare is over, only to have it start up again.
Ella has some good moments throughout the day too, but is really lashing out. Jimmy and I spent the first few days sympathizing, then jumping through hoops to keep her happy and calm, then pissed off when that stopped working, then resentful at how unbearable living in our own home has become, to walking on eggshells to avoid setting her off, to now trying to kill her with kindness and understanding... We have literally run the whole gammet here. The only person in our house Ella wants to be around is Ryen. Literally. She will hug and kiss and love on her like no tomorrow while simultaneously hating me an Jimmy and the dogs. LOL.
I have to say I have seen on TV and I have witnessed first hand, parents that would just let their child act in such reprehensible ways. Let their kids talk to them and yell at them and treat them with such disrespect it made my jaw drop. I always said to Jimmy no way that will be us, I would never let my kid talk to me that way, or treat me that way... yada yada yada. (and although we have stuck by this for the most part) I now have an understanding of how those parents find themselves in that situation. When you spend your whole day fighting with someone who is completely irrational, and with someone who cant be reasoned with, and with someone who doesn't remember from one second to the next what they are fighting about, and changes their mind from one second to the next, you are left mentally exhausted! When you feel beaten, when you feel like you don't want to get out of bed, when you don't even have the desire to be around your own child, when you have tried everything from begging to pleading to crying to laughing to kissing/hugging to talking to spanking to punishing to rewarding and NOTHING seems to work... I can see why some parents chose to say, this isn't worth it. I give up. Whatever keeps this kid out of my hair and happy and smiling he/she can have it within reason. You want to talk to me like I am scum? I wont react. You want to watch 8-10 hours of Noggin? Go for it, at least you are away from me. You want to have hot dogs every night for dinner. Fine, as long as I don't have to listen to you. Because when normally you would have the energy and the mental capacity for these small parental challenges, when you add them up and EVERY single thing you do is a fight, it is tempting to start living in survival or defense mode. You just want to make it through the day and hope every morning when you wake up that this phase is over. Of course this is NOT the thing to do. And we know that. Because you start doing this and then the day you are praying for... the day you wake up and this "phase" is gone? It doesn't come for 3 years and you just made yourself a hostage in your own house for that long! No thank you!
It is 12:15am and Ella has been quiet now for 20 minutes. I have some hope that I may actually get some sleep tonight. See the other side effect of my putting her in the gym daycare is she has been sick non-stop. She went TWO years without one ear infection. She now has her third one in 6 weeks. THIRD! And no it is NOT the same one because it keeps switching ears. Complications from colds she is catching the doctor tells me. So we dont know if this behavior Ella is exhibiting is because she has been sick and in pain for the last 6 weeks with only a few days reprieve here and there. Or if she is angry about being put in the gym every day or both? We just don't know. What we do know is we have a child who refuses to take her antibiotics because she is allergic to the only one that actually tastes good and most kids will swallow without trouble. Instead she has to take one that tastes so bad Jimmy gagged when he tasted it. Even when we flavor it it only helps a little. We hide it in juice, ice cream, milk you name it. Doesn't work. She refuses to eat/drink it. We pin her down on the ground and try to shove it down her throat and she has figured out how to close her throat by gurgling the whole time she is crying and we are pinning her, which just causes the medicine to pool in her throat until she is ready to spit it out all over us and herself. Yesterday we went through a weeks worth of antibiotics in one day just trying to get her to take it, and she took none of it. Twice she spit it out all over me and her hair and her clothes and face (gone) and once we mixed it in with juice out of desperation (which she didn't drink) and since this was the kind of medicine where your largest dose is on day one followed by smaller doses all the other days, we ran out of medicine. I had to beg for a refill and pay out of pocket for it, since insurance wouldn't cover a refill same day. UPDATE: she still hasn't taken it.
Ella wakes up crying out for me every 20 minutes starting at about 11pm and lasting until 1-2 in the morning. Last night it started at 1am and lasted till 3am. I get up more times in the middle of the night for her than I do my newborn. She says things like "I don't want Mommy to go" and she cries every time she wakes up and sees I am not in the room. I come running to reassure that I will always be there and I am just down the hall, and it doesn't seem to bring her any comfort. Even with nightlights and her door open etc. I don't want to get in the habit of sleeping on her floor or in her bed with her, but I actually crawled into bed with her for over 1 hour the other night and it didn't work. She would actually fall asleep for 2-3 minutes and I would literally watch her snap herself awake to make sure I was still there. She looks like a college student falling asleep in the front row of class and not wanting to get caught by the professor. It is crazy. I am like GO TO SLEEP!!!! Meanwhile I am exhausted! And there doesn't seem to be end in sight.
Another sign she has bad anxiety, she walks around the house sometimes saying "Where'd my Mommy go" if she cant find me. She will ask Jimmy where I am, and he will have to assure her Mommy is hanging up clothes, or Mommy is in the bathroom. Lastly, she has been shy at playdates with friends. When my friends say hi to her she shoves her hand in her mouth and buries her face in my leg. She wont cross the threshold when we go to someone's house. I have to use Ryen's carseat and my leg to practically shove her through the door. Then she clings to me like a static sheet on your clothes from the dryer, and when she wants to finally explore something she grabs me by the hand and says come with me Mommy. She never used to be like this, and I didn't notice any of this as potential signs of separation anxiety. I just thought it as a cute little shyness phase she was going through. And when she was asking where I was all the time, I just thought, she really likes me. =)
So I have to try a new more tender approach to this situation and reassure her to help her with her separation anxieties, but it still doesn't solve my problem of my gym daycare being a germ pit thanks to idiotic parents who put their sick kids in there when they shouldn't. I just dont see things getting better for us anytime soon... That is why I have been MIA on the blog lately and why I cant go out for drinks or dinner, and why you wont see me at a Girls Night Out or evening event for quite some time. =(
Sorry so long but I have been holding this all in and needed to get it out. If you are still reading this and didnt fall asleep or have a birthday go by before you could get to the end of it, Ella is still asleep and it is 12:35. I have the courage to finally stop venting and crawl into bed. And Murphys Law states that as soon as I fall asleep, Ella will either start crying looking for me or Ryen will need to be fed!
Zzzzzzzzzzzz
Friday, January 30, 2009
Ella Plays in Leaves!
Arizona's version of Fall has begun! Last years leaves seem to be falling off our trees again as new leaves are sprouting in their place. Ella LOVES this "Fall" and loves playing in the them. I promised her I would take her out for some fun and we had a great time! Here are some photos of her playing and "jumping" in our leaf piles! Enjoy!
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
No Pain No Gain
So I want to explain to everyone why you did not see my stats posted this past Sunday... I realized after a month of working out on my own and seeing no results on the scale that I needed some professional help. So I am now working out with the help of a trainer at my gym. I have been working out with my trainer for less than one week and already I can see a huge difference. I have NEVER pushed myself as hard as Whitney is pushing me. She also put me on a meal plan and CRAZY cardio plan on my off-days. Anyhow I just keep telling myself "You can do it, you can do it". I go into the gym with a fierceness like I am ready for what you throw at me. I promised Whitney I would not be WENDY WHINER the whole time we worked out, and if I was she could call my hubby. Whitney by the way has two kids under two (like me) but has the body of a 22 year old with no kids who spend all day playing in South Beach. (not like me- LOL. But that's okay because she is helping me get there!)
Anyhow point is I want to share something funny that happened today. We were doing upper body today and literally instead of resting between sets there were jumping jacks and up/downs and mountain climbers galore. Normally I would just sit there and look around in between sets when I worked out alone, or maybe sip some water. I literally reached a point of physical and mental exhaustion and slammed into a wall hard. I just started smiling and Whitney asked me why and I told her it was all I could do to keep from crying. (I felt like one of the people on The Biggest Loser). This happened to me three times during the workout where I was fighting back tears. Whitney kept telling me "You are not going to cry - You can do it" and I was thinking "this bitch is crazy" but I did it! And I told her "I promised you I would giver you 150% and I would never say no to anything you told me to do, and I would never whine and complain and go at it half ass when I worked out with you. But I NEVER said I wouldn't cry while doing it!" She cracked up. But then I told her she better not go easy on me or lighten my load when she catches me smiling like an idiot, which is my "poker tell" that I am about to burst into tears! LOL. Thankfully for me, she said "Don't worry- I wont!" Wink wink!
This is CHANGING my life!!! Once I do this I will NEVER go back to being a couch potato and not having exercise be a regular part of my life. Heck I am exercising so much I don't even have time to blog more than once a week anymore or go to playdates! Now you KNOW I must be busy if I am not blogging every day!!! Just Kidding!
PS- Mom and Sis came to visit and Ella played in Leaves and I have all these cute photos to post but will get around to it when I am not so sore and so busy! Stay tuned for my weigh in next Monday too! It is going to be GREAT!!! You watch!!
Anyhow point is I want to share something funny that happened today. We were doing upper body today and literally instead of resting between sets there were jumping jacks and up/downs and mountain climbers galore. Normally I would just sit there and look around in between sets when I worked out alone, or maybe sip some water. I literally reached a point of physical and mental exhaustion and slammed into a wall hard. I just started smiling and Whitney asked me why and I told her it was all I could do to keep from crying. (I felt like one of the people on The Biggest Loser). This happened to me three times during the workout where I was fighting back tears. Whitney kept telling me "You are not going to cry - You can do it" and I was thinking "this bitch is crazy" but I did it! And I told her "I promised you I would giver you 150% and I would never say no to anything you told me to do, and I would never whine and complain and go at it half ass when I worked out with you. But I NEVER said I wouldn't cry while doing it!" She cracked up. But then I told her she better not go easy on me or lighten my load when she catches me smiling like an idiot, which is my "poker tell" that I am about to burst into tears! LOL. Thankfully for me, she said "Don't worry- I wont!" Wink wink!
This is CHANGING my life!!! Once I do this I will NEVER go back to being a couch potato and not having exercise be a regular part of my life. Heck I am exercising so much I don't even have time to blog more than once a week anymore or go to playdates! Now you KNOW I must be busy if I am not blogging every day!!! Just Kidding!
PS- Mom and Sis came to visit and Ella played in Leaves and I have all these cute photos to post but will get around to it when I am not so sore and so busy! Stay tuned for my weigh in next Monday too! It is going to be GREAT!!! You watch!!
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Ella loves her little sister!
So Ella's door has the hardware turned around where her door lock is on the outside. Might seem inhumane and Supernanny would surely scoff at my lack of parenting skills for having to resort to such tactics but after 4 weeks of my child getting out of her toddler bed over and over for 2-3 hours straight just for the pure joy of one of us walking her back to her bed, we decided to end the game for her. Anyhow sometimes the door does not close all the way or the lock doesn't click into the door jam or something and when El wakes up in the morning she is able to escape. The last two mornings in a row this has happened and instead of coming into my room to see me (which she did the first time she escaped her cell) she now goes into Baby Ryen's room! Not only does she turn on the light and wake her up, but she runs to the kitchen and gets my step stool so that she can reach Ryen's crib and can hold her hand and talk and sing to her. It is so adorable I just had to grab my camera! See photos below:
Anyhow Ryen seems to LOVE seeing Ella this early in the morning and is all smiles and giggles when Ella wakes her up this way. I just have to say I have been so amazed and impressed with how much Ella loves her baby sister. There has never been an ounce of jealousy since the day Ryen came home. Nothing. She wants to touch her, kiss her, hold her hands, smile at her and make her laugh every chance she gets. Now dont get me wrong, I am not deluding myself that in 6 mos or so she will be ripping toys of our her hand and they will already begin their sisterly fighting. But for now I am enjoying the blissful peace of siblings! Here is a cute video too!
Anyhow Ryen seems to LOVE seeing Ella this early in the morning and is all smiles and giggles when Ella wakes her up this way. I just have to say I have been so amazed and impressed with how much Ella loves her baby sister. There has never been an ounce of jealousy since the day Ryen came home. Nothing. She wants to touch her, kiss her, hold her hands, smile at her and make her laugh every chance she gets. Now dont get me wrong, I am not deluding myself that in 6 mos or so she will be ripping toys of our her hand and they will already begin their sisterly fighting. But for now I am enjoying the blissful peace of siblings! Here is a cute video too!
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Another Weigh In Sunday
Hello everyone! Didnt want anyone to think I was trying to avoid weighing in today and updating you all on my progress. I have just been busy visiting with my Mom and Sister Lisa who are in town. Anyhow today was another weigh in day and another day to post my excercise for the week to hold myself accountable. Was not the week I had hoped for but it is hard to stay focused and on your routine with family visiting. I did have a weight loss, but not much. Here are the training stats.
Monday: Body Combat: kick boxing class at the gym (kicked my butt!)
Tuesday: Swim training 200 meters in lap pool
Wednesday: Off
Thursday: Off
Friday: Body Pump: High energy fast paced weight lifting/strength training
Saturday: Off
Sunday: Ran 20 minutes/walk 10/abs/steps
My weight this morning was 146, down a pound from last week. My plan to drink 8oz of water BEFORE eating anything and before having anything other than water to drink was going well for me and when I picked up my Mom and Sister on Wed I snuck a peak at the scale and it was 144. But then Dunkin Donuts trips, card games etc has led to not as much water and a little bit of snacking. Hopefully this week will be better!
Update: 2 mos 3 weeks till wedding. 3 months till triathlon!
PS- I got my maid of honor dress on. I have only an inch that I shouldnt try to zip just yet. Other than that it fits! Yeah! I am confident it will look great come April!
Monday: Body Combat: kick boxing class at the gym (kicked my butt!)
Tuesday: Swim training 200 meters in lap pool
Wednesday: Off
Thursday: Off
Friday: Body Pump: High energy fast paced weight lifting/strength training
Saturday: Off
Sunday: Ran 20 minutes/walk 10/abs/steps
My weight this morning was 146, down a pound from last week. My plan to drink 8oz of water BEFORE eating anything and before having anything other than water to drink was going well for me and when I picked up my Mom and Sister on Wed I snuck a peak at the scale and it was 144. But then Dunkin Donuts trips, card games etc has led to not as much water and a little bit of snacking. Hopefully this week will be better!
Update: 2 mos 3 weeks till wedding. 3 months till triathlon!
PS- I got my maid of honor dress on. I have only an inch that I shouldnt try to zip just yet. Other than that it fits! Yeah! I am confident it will look great come April!
Sunday, January 11, 2009
What a Morning!
Happy Sunday! I had the coolest morning today. First, both our kids spoiled us by sleeping till 7:30am. Which is RARE! Then, I go in Ella's room and she starts throwing every stuffed animal in her bed on the floor. My first instinct was to tell her NOT to do that. But I decided instead to start laughing. The more I laughed the harder she threw them and the more she threw until there was none left in her bed. So I threw them all back at her and the best stuffed animal fight EVER ensued! Daddy came in and climbed in Ella's bed with her. It got kind of funny because Daddy kept trying to grab a pillow or stuffed animal to lay his head on, and Ella kept yelling "Daddy I need that" because she needed more "amunition" to throw at Mommy! We went on this way for a good 10 minutes with lots and lots of giggles. There were monkeys, giraffes, doggies, bears, and gloworms landing on our heads and bouncing off the walls! Here are some pictures below! (My favorite is the way Baby and Elmo look like road kill!)
Anyhow because today is Sunday- it is time for me to post an update on my training and weight loss goals. My training this past week was as follows:
Monday: Body Pump hour long training session consisting of non stop weight lifting and cardio
Tuesday: Running 10 minutes/Biking 15 minutes
Wednesday: Body Pump hour long training session consisting of non stop weight lifting and cardio
Thursday: Swim Training 150 meters in lap pool
Friday: Off
Saturday: Off
Sunday: Bike 30 minutes
My weight this morning had not changed from last week. It was 147. While this was a little disappointing, I can say honestly, I am not sure it was too accurate. Yesterday I snuck a sneak peak at the scale and was down to 145. I think the problem is yesterday was such a busy day for me, that I drank literally no water at all. So my goal for this week is to force myself to drink 8oz of water BEFORE eating anything and before having anything other than water to drink. Hopefully next week will reflect this. Good luck to any of you who are trying to lose this week!
Update: 3 mos till wedding. 3 months 1 week till triathlon!
Anyhow because today is Sunday- it is time for me to post an update on my training and weight loss goals. My training this past week was as follows:
Monday: Body Pump hour long training session consisting of non stop weight lifting and cardio
Tuesday: Running 10 minutes/Biking 15 minutes
Wednesday: Body Pump hour long training session consisting of non stop weight lifting and cardio
Thursday: Swim Training 150 meters in lap pool
Friday: Off
Saturday: Off
Sunday: Bike 30 minutes
My weight this morning had not changed from last week. It was 147. While this was a little disappointing, I can say honestly, I am not sure it was too accurate. Yesterday I snuck a sneak peak at the scale and was down to 145. I think the problem is yesterday was such a busy day for me, that I drank literally no water at all. So my goal for this week is to force myself to drink 8oz of water BEFORE eating anything and before having anything other than water to drink. Hopefully next week will reflect this. Good luck to any of you who are trying to lose this week!
Update: 3 mos till wedding. 3 months 1 week till triathlon!
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Triathlon and Dressathon Training
So I have officially started my training for my FIRST Triathlon. The AZ Tri for the Cure on April 19th. But you could also say this training is for my DRESSATHON which means I have a beautiful Maid of Honor dress that I must fit into by April 11th (8 days before!). So the training will come in handy for both. When I got pregnant with Ella I was 127 pounds. When I delivered I was 160 (33 pound weight gain with her for you mathematicians out there!). When I got pregnant with Ryen I was 134 pounds, partly due to some weight I was still carrying from Ella and partly because of the pregnancy we miscarried in Nov 2007. When I delivered Ryen I was 170 (36 pound weight gain that time around). Since delivering Ryen I have lost 23 pounds and am down to 147 pounds. I would like to share my progress and training with all of you to help hold me accountable. By having to post once a week I will be forced to face the consequences! So be HARD on me if I seem to start slacking! I might need the kick in the butt!
Here are my starting stats and goals:
Starting Weight: 147 pounds
Starting Body Fat %: 24-25%
Starting Dress size: Size 12 (yes I am brave to be honest, but heck I had two kids in two years so oh well)
Goal Weight: 115-120 pounds (or my goal fat% whichever comes first)
Goal Body Fat %: 19% (only because I am so short and need muscle)
Goal Dress size: Healthy. (see below)
Body Fat Standards for Women Recommended by Age Group
Starting Body Fat %: 24-25%
Starting Dress size: Size 12 (yes I am brave to be honest, but heck I had two kids in two years so oh well)
Goal Weight: 115-120 pounds (or my goal fat% whichever comes first)
Goal Body Fat %: 19% (only because I am so short and need muscle)
Goal Dress size: Healthy. (see below)
I am comfortable being whatever size I end up at a healthy weight and healthy body fat. If it is a 4,6,8 whatever. I have NO desire to be a 0-2 as I know my body and know I would have to be unhealthy to achieve that. Now, I want to stress that it is REALLY important to me that my girls have a positive body image and realistic image of what is fit and healthy. So I wont kill myself to achieve some elite athlete body fat or weight, since I am not an elite athlete, I am a homemaker! LOL. If you are wondering what is a healthy body fat % for your age I have included a chart below. I found it very helpful in helping me set my goals. If any of you are starting a healthy lifestyle or fitness plan this year, I wish you luck and would LOVE to hear about your progress as well!
Body Fat Standards for Women Recommended by Age Group
| | 20 to 29 | 30 to 39 | 40 to 49 | 50 to 59 | 69+ | |
| TOO Low | <16 | <17 | <18 | <19 | <20 | |
| Low | 16-19 | 17-20 | 18-21 | 19-22 | 20-23 | |
| Optimal | 20-28 | 21-29 | 22-30 | 23-31 | 24-32 | |
| Moderately high | 29-31 | 30-32 | 31-33 | 32-33 | 33-35 | |
| High | >31 | >32 | >33 | >34 | >35 |
Monday, January 5, 2009
New Years Photos
Our New Years was low key again this year. We had made plans to go to dinner and rent a movie. Jimmy and the kids and I went out to an early dinner. Afterwards, Ryen was being vomit baby so Jimmy stayed home with her while Ella and I went out to play with our friends in the neighborhood (who had organized an impromptu gathering). Here are some cute photos. I love the photo of Ella and her friend Tanner together (the adorable boy with the spiked hair)! I keep trying to arrange their marriage! LOL Ella played for a while and got good and tired. She had a real good time until Mommy dragged her out to go to bed, so that Daddy and I could snuggle and watch our movie and watch the ball drop. And sorry but I still find it disturbing and difficult to listen to Dick Clark these last few years.On New Years Day Jimmy stayed home with sleeping vomit baby again while Ella and I met up with our neighbors again for Brunch. Our friends Yolanda and Britto (yes the same Yolanda who I rave about in my Christmas Fun and Yummy Treats post below) invite a bunch of us over every year for an all day Brunch. Yolanda stays by the stove cookin' eggs, sausage, fried dough, home fries, coffee cake, a full spiral sliced ham, etc along with fresh squeezed OJ, Champagne and coffee! The kids get to play and we all get to start off the year breaking our resolutions about healthy eating! LOL! But is worth it. Some photos of the brunch can be found on our babysite under the new years album www.babysites.com/sites/carillis
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Hooray For Ella!!!
Hooray for Ella, Hooray for Ella!
Ella went pee-pee on the potty... Hooray for Ella!!
1-2-3-4, who we gonna cheer for? Ella! Ella! Hooray for Ella Yeah!!
Ella went pee-pee on the potty... Hooray for Ella!!
1-2-3-4, who we gonna cheer for? Ella! Ella! Hooray for Ella Yeah!!
Our first hour of potty training, seems to be going well so far.I will keep you posted on our progress! Wish us Luck!
Friday, January 2, 2009
Look at this...
How would you like to walk out into your backyard and see this?
After dinner last night I heard this strange sound coming from my backyard. I couldn't believe it when I walked out. I grabbed Ella and brought her outside to stare in wonder as I took these photos. The funny thing is, living in Chandler we see this all the time! I can't tell you how many times we have pulled out of the garage to see the skyline filled with anywhere from 2-20 hot air balloons. Ella LOVES it! But NEVER before have we seen one so close to our house. The photo doesn't do it justice. Before we grabbed the camera the balloon looked like it had just lifted off from my backyard. Here are some more photos below.
What a way to start the New Year!!
After dinner last night I heard this strange sound coming from my backyard. I couldn't believe it when I walked out. I grabbed Ella and brought her outside to stare in wonder as I took these photos. The funny thing is, living in Chandler we see this all the time! I can't tell you how many times we have pulled out of the garage to see the skyline filled with anywhere from 2-20 hot air balloons. Ella LOVES it! But NEVER before have we seen one so close to our house. The photo doesn't do it justice. Before we grabbed the camera the balloon looked like it had just lifted off from my backyard. Here are some more photos below.
What a way to start the New Year!!
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Happy New Year - 2009!!!
www.jillcarilli.blogspot.com
So I just wanted to take a moment- as the last 10 minutes of 2008 are slipping away (and as my kid keeps waking up in the other room- lol) to reflect on what a year it was for me.
So I just wanted to take a moment- as the last 10 minutes of 2008 are slipping away (and as my kid keeps waking up in the other room- lol) to reflect on what a year it was for me.
- Ella and I joined a great playgroup at the end of 2007 and 2008 allowed us to cultivate some amazing friendships with a great group of women!
- I grew closer with many of my friends in my neighborhood over 2008 and even met some new friends!
- Jimmy and I added a beautiful baby with such a patient and adorable demeanor and personality to our family (which balances Miss Ella nicely so far- lol).
- Related to the above, I saw my parents become Grandparents for the FOURTH time!
- I started working with a life coach and gained amazing clarity on parts of my life that had brought me much anxiety/stress.
- One of my sisters got engaged (YEAH!) and one sister moved in with her boyfriend who I think is a wonderful addition to her life!
- My family SURVIVED and got even better at adjusting to the difficulties of having a one income household- (experts say we are doing this today with 60% less money then families who were one income households in the 70's- due to inflation and the increase in cost of goods/services far outpacing the increase in salaries.) We are not perfect yet but we have many more years to get better at adjusting and BUDGETING!!!! Yeah for us =)
- And much much more this past year...
{side note: as I am typing this at 11:58 a neighbor somewhere behind me just started BLASTING "Celebration" I feel like I am at a cheezy family reunion right now... "WOO HOO!" And now I hear some fireworks!}
Anyhow, I am not saying I didn't hit some bumps in 2008, as I certainly had my share. And I would be remiss if I didn't mention that 2008 was a really hard year for millions of people around the US, especially for many homeowners who found themselves losing their homes and many families who suddenly found themselves unable to make ends meet and put food on the table due to the ridiculous increases in gas and grocery prices. But as I enter 2009 I am thankful for what I am fortunate to have in my life, and I am filled with so much hope... I have such hope for the new Presidency, the housing market, the economy etc. I hope 2009 is a turnaround year for many people.
Anyhow I hope all of you have a wonderful safe and healthy 2009 and that there is much happiness and peace and love in all your hearts this year!
{for those wondering, yes the neighbors behind me are STILL blasting music and I am dreadingly wondering how much longer they are going to do this, since I wont be able to sleep with it playing and my kids windows are open tonight... Oh Well! Good thing I have a good book to occupy me till they stop the partying!}
Anyhow, I am not saying I didn't hit some bumps in 2008, as I certainly had my share. And I would be remiss if I didn't mention that 2008 was a really hard year for millions of people around the US, especially for many homeowners who found themselves losing their homes and many families who suddenly found themselves unable to make ends meet and put food on the table due to the ridiculous increases in gas and grocery prices. But as I enter 2009 I am thankful for what I am fortunate to have in my life, and I am filled with so much hope... I have such hope for the new Presidency, the housing market, the economy etc. I hope 2009 is a turnaround year for many people.
Anyhow I hope all of you have a wonderful safe and healthy 2009 and that there is much happiness and peace and love in all your hearts this year!
{for those wondering, yes the neighbors behind me are STILL blasting music and I am dreadingly wondering how much longer they are going to do this, since I wont be able to sleep with it playing and my kids windows are open tonight... Oh Well! Good thing I have a good book to occupy me till they stop the partying!}
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Happy Birthday To Me!!
Guess what??? I turn 31 today! Yeah!! Happy Birthday to ME! But I share this birthday with my Twin Lori so it is only right that I say Happy Birthday to her too! So, my gift to myself this year is... DA-DA-DA-DA.... I just signed up to participate in my first TRIATHLON!!! Yeah...ummmm... no! That was not a TYPO. You read it correctly!
T-R-I-A-T-H-L-O-N!
I am super excited for this. It is April 19th, which is the weekend after my sisters wedding in Boston! I have always wanted to participate in one of these but always thought I would do a half or full marathon before attempting this. But it actually doesn't seem so bad. This year's the event will take place in Chandler on the Chandler High School Campus. The swim will take place in a 50 meter pool. The event will involve a swim of 8 laps, 8 miles biking and a 2.25 mile run that finishes Olympics style on the Chandler High School track. My family or friends will be able to cheer me on and watch the whole way!
So why this Triathlon you ask? Well basically I figure I spent the first half of my twenties lending my body to the right of passage I like to refer to as excessive drinking and partying! The second half of my Twenties I lent my body to childbearing. Now that I am 31 and done with both of these, I figure it is time I lent my body to fitness and health and make an investment in ME! Also see the logo below... The Triathlon benefits Susan G Komen for The Cure to raise money for Breast Cancer, which as everyone knows by now, is an important cause for me (and one that is prompting me to walk in my FOURTH three day walk next Nov.)
Jimmy and I got a sitter on Sat night and went to dinner at The Keg Steakhouse. We then went to a "new" Irish bar in Downtown Chandler called Murphy's Law. They have a really big and cool bar in there! Today I relaxed and spent the day with the kids and Jimmy and then we had birthday cake. Ella insisted I use an Elmo candle and she wanted to blow it out with me! =) She waited all day (very patiently) for this cake! We decorated it half for her and half for me! Here are a couple photos:
My hubby also gave me my new laptop today! Yeah! www.jillcarilli.blogspot.com
Friday, December 26, 2008
Christmas 2008 and ZOOLights
We had a very low-key Christmas here at home. We didn't have any family or friends to spend it with so we hunkered down as a family and had a nice breakfast, opened presents and then watched the fake yuletide log on our big screen for a while... GHETTO! LOL Here are some pics below... After nap-time the girls opened their stockings! After an early Ham dinner at 3pm we played with the girls till bedtime. After Jimmy and I put the girls to bed we hopped in the hot-tub for a while. It felt so nice in there and the wind died down as soon as we got in. It was awesome! We have been trying to use it more often lately and it is great. Here are some more Christmas photos below (no hot tub photos- lol): We also went to ZooLights on Christmas Eve with our friends The Palevskys and their two boys Hudson and Sawyer. We went last year too, and intend to do this every Christmas Eve. My Twin Sister Lori is hoping to be living here next Christmas to get to see this with her family. Enjoy the Slideshow I created below. Sorry some are blurry but it is hard to capture all the Christmas Lights with the camera! We hope you all had a Merry Christmas too!
Monday, December 22, 2008
Christmas Fun and Yummy Treats!!
Ok. So here I am sitting on my computer getting ready to blog and post about the fun Christmas dinner I had with a group of my girlfriends recently. We had a Secret Santa Gift Exchange and a wonderful dinner at Buca di Beppo. There is a slide show below for fun.
As I am sitting here writing this my cell phone rings. It is my friend Yolanda (one of the girls from our Christmas dinner slide show above). She asks me to come to the front door and as I open it, has a bagful of the most delicious looking cookies and goodies I have ever seen! She must have been reading my mind because I was just thinking I could curl up in bed under my warm covers with a hot cup of peppermint mocha coffee and some type of goodie/sweet but I didn't have anything sweet in the house (till now thanks to her). And not only was she just in time with some sweet treats but her sweet kids are yelling MERRY CHRISTMAS from the car while their Mom is getting rained on to bring my family something yummy. How sweet is that? No Pun Intended! Yolanda is a great cook and a great friend who opens her home up to her friends and family during the Holidays and generously cooks huge portions of yummy food for anyone who feels like celebrating with her and her wonderful family, or who doesn't have any family here of their own. And during the craziness of the Holidays every year she finds the time to bake either cookies or loaves of bread for her friends and neighbors. Thank you Yolanda for the most delicious "dessert thingy with creamy filling and hard chocolate top layer thingy" that I have ever had. I just gobbled it down, let my dog lick my fingers and am restraining myself from not eating the other one tonight!!!
I love Christmas! Another gift exchange with a group of friends is tomorrow!
HO HO HO!!
As I am sitting here writing this my cell phone rings. It is my friend Yolanda (one of the girls from our Christmas dinner slide show above). She asks me to come to the front door and as I open it, has a bagful of the most delicious looking cookies and goodies I have ever seen! She must have been reading my mind because I was just thinking I could curl up in bed under my warm covers with a hot cup of peppermint mocha coffee and some type of goodie/sweet but I didn't have anything sweet in the house (till now thanks to her). And not only was she just in time with some sweet treats but her sweet kids are yelling MERRY CHRISTMAS from the car while their Mom is getting rained on to bring my family something yummy. How sweet is that? No Pun Intended! Yolanda is a great cook and a great friend who opens her home up to her friends and family during the Holidays and generously cooks huge portions of yummy food for anyone who feels like celebrating with her and her wonderful family, or who doesn't have any family here of their own. And during the craziness of the Holidays every year she finds the time to bake either cookies or loaves of bread for her friends and neighbors. Thank you Yolanda for the most delicious "dessert thingy with creamy filling and hard chocolate top layer thingy" that I have ever had. I just gobbled it down, let my dog lick my fingers and am restraining myself from not eating the other one tonight!!!
I love Christmas! Another gift exchange with a group of friends is tomorrow!
HO HO HO!!
Sunday, December 21, 2008
CHAMPION!!!
Ok so for those that dont know, I am a huge Football Fan and a HUGE Fantasy Football Fanatic! These photos below are my fantasy football icons. These are what my opponents see when they play me each week... One is Ella making her famous "chucky doll" face and one is of Ryen flipping everyone off at a couple weeks old! LOL!
I am SO SO happy and excited right now because I just came in first place in one of my fantasy football leagues AND as if that wasn't enough, I won $225 bucks for coming in first! (I had to beat my sister Lisa to win the championship so the victory is bitter sweet, as she had a great season and I know she wanted to take the trophy this year... Sorry Sis!)
Fantasy football is the most entertaining, nail-biting, frustrating and exciting game to play. It is a great and sometimes horrible way to spend your Sundays! And I LOVE IT!
This is my fifth season playing fantasy football and my outcomes are below:
2004- 7th place out of 8 (MY ROOKIE YEAR)
2005- 5th place out of 12 (nice improvement)
2006- 2nd place out of 8 (my first time making the championship playoffs!)
2007- 5th place out of 8 (injury ridden year)
2008- 1st place out of 8 (WOO-HOO!!!)
This year I was in THREE fantasy football leagues. I made the playoffs in two of them (not easy to make the playoffs as I only made the playoffs twice in five years before this year) AND I just missed the playoffs in my third league. I finished 4th out of 10 and 6th out of 10 in my other two leagues. Pretty respectable!!
Anyhow the end of the fantasy football season is a sad day. On the one hand I can sit back and relax and cheer on The Patriots in their bid to make the playoffs (and hopefully watch them make it and succeed); but on the other hand I know I have to wait till next SEPTEMBER before I can play fantasy football again. This is a PAINFULLY LONG time for football fans to wait.
So although tonight I will bask in my glory, next Sunday I will be depressed that I have no team to stress over, to analyze, no players to scream at or jump up and down in joy over. No watching 8 games at a time on one channel thanks to The NFL Sunday TICKET and the brilliant guys over at DirecTV. What is a mother of two kids to do.....???? YEAH RIGHT!!!! I am sure I will find plenty! LOL! =)
I am SO SO happy and excited right now because I just came in first place in one of my fantasy football leagues AND as if that wasn't enough, I won $225 bucks for coming in first! (I had to beat my sister Lisa to win the championship so the victory is bitter sweet, as she had a great season and I know she wanted to take the trophy this year... Sorry Sis!)
Fantasy football is the most entertaining, nail-biting, frustrating and exciting game to play. It is a great and sometimes horrible way to spend your Sundays! And I LOVE IT!
This is my fifth season playing fantasy football and my outcomes are below:
2004- 7th place out of 8 (MY ROOKIE YEAR)
2005- 5th place out of 12 (nice improvement)
2006- 2nd place out of 8 (my first time making the championship playoffs!)
2007- 5th place out of 8 (injury ridden year)
2008- 1st place out of 8 (WOO-HOO!!!)
This year I was in THREE fantasy football leagues. I made the playoffs in two of them (not easy to make the playoffs as I only made the playoffs twice in five years before this year) AND I just missed the playoffs in my third league. I finished 4th out of 10 and 6th out of 10 in my other two leagues. Pretty respectable!!
Anyhow the end of the fantasy football season is a sad day. On the one hand I can sit back and relax and cheer on The Patriots in their bid to make the playoffs (and hopefully watch them make it and succeed); but on the other hand I know I have to wait till next SEPTEMBER before I can play fantasy football again. This is a PAINFULLY LONG time for football fans to wait.
So although tonight I will bask in my glory, next Sunday I will be depressed that I have no team to stress over, to analyze, no players to scream at or jump up and down in joy over. No watching 8 games at a time on one channel thanks to The NFL Sunday TICKET and the brilliant guys over at DirecTV. What is a mother of two kids to do.....???? YEAH RIGHT!!!! I am sure I will find plenty! LOL! =)
Friday, December 12, 2008
Thanks to Sue!!
So my friend Sue turned me on to this GREAT website called onetruemedia.com where I can post videos of my kids and create video "montages" of short video clips that I take with my camera. This is the coolest site I have seen in a long time. Sharing videos with family is the hardest because of their size, download time, etc... So this is perfect for me! Here is a video I made of Ryen talking below followed by Ella singing laughing and dancing!
Enjoy the video.
Ella Video:
Enjoy the video.
Ella Video:
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Chandler Christmas Tree Lighting
Every year Jimmy and I attend the Chandler Christmas Tree Lighting Ceremony in downtown Chandler. They had free photos with Santa in Santa's house! Ella did not cry or freak out at all! She LOVES Santa! Ryen had her first photo taken with Santa too, although someone needs to teach Santa how to hold a baby! LOL! CLICK ANY PHOTO TO ZOOM IN
This is a real cute event which features lots of cool stuff for kids! There were free pony rides, Radio Disney performances and local dance troupe performances, a bunch of bouncy houses, food vendors, a Christmas Light parade and it all ends with the official tumbleweed tree lighting! For those non-AZ residents the city creates a "Christmas" tree using stacked tumbleweed. See the photos below! We had a blast again!
Family Photo Shoot #1!! Yeah! (Another one to come!)
Ok so my friend Tanya (her blog is on the right) has been practicing her photography and is having a lot of fun with it! I asked her if she would like to shoot our family for practice and she was all for it! Lucky us! She gave me the proofs and allowed me to do some editing on them. Here is a slide show of the photos below! I hope you enjoy and thank you Tanya!!
FYI Tanya- I mostly just sharpened some photos, cropped a few, added some blur or glow, removed Ryen's baby acne, made some black and white or combo pics and threw in a few sepia tones.
FYI Tanya- I mostly just sharpened some photos, cropped a few, added some blur or glow, removed Ryen's baby acne, made some black and white or combo pics and threw in a few sepia tones.
Friday, December 5, 2008
Really Cool
XEROX IS DOING SOMETHING COOL
If you go to this web site, www.LetsSayThanks.com you can pick out a thank you card and Xerox will print it and it will be sent to a soldier that is currently serving in Iraq . These thank you cards were designed by children and are really cool!
You can't pick out who gets the cards, but it will go to a member of the armed services. How AMAZING it would be if we could get everyone we know to send one!!! It is FREE and it only takes a second. You can send as many as you want. I sent 5 yesterday!
Wouldn't it be wonderful if the soldiers received a bunch of these? Whether you are for or against the war, our soldiers over there need to know we are behind them.
This takes just 10 seconds and it's a wonderful way to say thank you. Please take the time and please pass it on for others to do.
I also want to add the following that was sent to me by my friend Adrianna! When you are sending our your Holiday Cards this year, consider sending one to a soldier recovering at Walter Reed. Here is how- just mail it to:
A Recovering American Soldier
c/o Walter Reed Army Medical Center
6900 Georgia Avenue,NW
Washington,D.C. 20307-5001
We can never say enough thank you's. Please take the time to support our military!
If you go to this web site, www.LetsSayThanks.com you can pick out a thank you card and Xerox will print it and it will be sent to a soldier that is currently serving in Iraq . These thank you cards were designed by children and are really cool!
You can't pick out who gets the cards, but it will go to a member of the armed services. How AMAZING it would be if we could get everyone we know to send one!!! It is FREE and it only takes a second. You can send as many as you want. I sent 5 yesterday!
Wouldn't it be wonderful if the soldiers received a bunch of these? Whether you are for or against the war, our soldiers over there need to know we are behind them.
This takes just 10 seconds and it's a wonderful way to say thank you. Please take the time and please pass it on for others to do.
I also want to add the following that was sent to me by my friend Adrianna! When you are sending our your Holiday Cards this year, consider sending one to a soldier recovering at Walter Reed. Here is how- just mail it to:
A Recovering American Soldier
c/o Walter Reed Army Medical Center
6900 Georgia Avenue,NW
Washington,D.C. 20307-5001
We can never say enough thank you's. Please take the time to support our military!
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Ping Pong Match
Happy-Sad. Ashamed-Proud. Grateful-Relieved. There are so many emotions going through my head right now that it is like a ping pong match. I have officially stopped breastfeeding Ryen and I am so mixed up about it. I don't know if it just hormones or what but I can't seem to choose whether to be ok with it or dwell on it. Here are my thoughts:
A part of me is happy to be done with breastfeeding, cause let me tell you... it is hard! It is time consuming, confusing, painful at times, and requires a big commitment. You would think it is so natural that a baby would be able to latch on and feed immediately without needing to be taught or trained. Not always the case with humans. Some women are cows and produce a ton of milk and have a baby that latches on right away with little or no effort. Breastfeeding is a breeze for these women! But a lot of women, like myself DON'T. If Ryen were my only baby perhaps I could have invested the time needed to train her and train my body for breastfeeding. But that wasn't possible for me. Even when I fed her every two hours like clock work it didn't seem to increase my milk supply. In fact it seemed to get worse. I was so sad to stop that I was trying to feed her all the time, pumping around the clock, and really putting a lot of pressure on myself to breastfeed for as long as I could. I am still sad to have stopped. But the time was right.
So why do we as women feel like failures or feel ashamed if we don't breastfeed or if we are not as successful at it as some other women? Feels almost like it is a test of your Womanhood or Mothering abilities. Even though we have no control over it and can only do our best with what we have. I have so much respect for anyone who tries breastfeeding at all whether for 1 day or 1 year or longer. So I am proud that I made it 8 weeks and would have loved to have made it longer. There was closeness, convenience, bonding, and a feeling of accomplishment that I got from breastfeeding that I am mourning right now. I have to keep telling myself that I don't really have control over it. It was not my fault that Ryen was not gaining enough weight and the doctors were concerned and pressuring me to supplement with formula. It is not my fault that I wasn't producing enough milk to satisfy her at feedings. I wish I was! And I don't have the luxury with a 2 year old of breastfeeding all day long or setting an alarm and waking up every 2 hours at night to breastfeed as I would not have anything to offer Ella during the day if I was that sleep deprived.
So I am trying to stay positive and remind myself that Ryen will be just fine. There are many babies that are formula fed and are thriving, wonderful, smart, happy, independent, well adjusted and healthy children. Ella is a PRIME example of this. I am trying to be grateful that I was able to breastfeed at all since I was robbed of that experience with Ella due to her start in the NICU. And the other part of me is relieved that I will not have to worry about her weight gain, or wonder how much food she is getting or have to be a slave to my breast or my pump anymore.
So then why is giving it up almost as painful as trying so hard to be successful at it was...
A part of me is happy to be done with breastfeeding, cause let me tell you... it is hard! It is time consuming, confusing, painful at times, and requires a big commitment. You would think it is so natural that a baby would be able to latch on and feed immediately without needing to be taught or trained. Not always the case with humans. Some women are cows and produce a ton of milk and have a baby that latches on right away with little or no effort. Breastfeeding is a breeze for these women! But a lot of women, like myself DON'T. If Ryen were my only baby perhaps I could have invested the time needed to train her and train my body for breastfeeding. But that wasn't possible for me. Even when I fed her every two hours like clock work it didn't seem to increase my milk supply. In fact it seemed to get worse. I was so sad to stop that I was trying to feed her all the time, pumping around the clock, and really putting a lot of pressure on myself to breastfeed for as long as I could. I am still sad to have stopped. But the time was right.
So why do we as women feel like failures or feel ashamed if we don't breastfeed or if we are not as successful at it as some other women? Feels almost like it is a test of your Womanhood or Mothering abilities. Even though we have no control over it and can only do our best with what we have. I have so much respect for anyone who tries breastfeeding at all whether for 1 day or 1 year or longer. So I am proud that I made it 8 weeks and would have loved to have made it longer. There was closeness, convenience, bonding, and a feeling of accomplishment that I got from breastfeeding that I am mourning right now. I have to keep telling myself that I don't really have control over it. It was not my fault that Ryen was not gaining enough weight and the doctors were concerned and pressuring me to supplement with formula. It is not my fault that I wasn't producing enough milk to satisfy her at feedings. I wish I was! And I don't have the luxury with a 2 year old of breastfeeding all day long or setting an alarm and waking up every 2 hours at night to breastfeed as I would not have anything to offer Ella during the day if I was that sleep deprived.
So I am trying to stay positive and remind myself that Ryen will be just fine. There are many babies that are formula fed and are thriving, wonderful, smart, happy, independent, well adjusted and healthy children. Ella is a PRIME example of this. I am trying to be grateful that I was able to breastfeed at all since I was robbed of that experience with Ella due to her start in the NICU. And the other part of me is relieved that I will not have to worry about her weight gain, or wonder how much food she is getting or have to be a slave to my breast or my pump anymore.
So then why is giving it up almost as painful as trying so hard to be successful at it was...
Friday, November 28, 2008
Happy Thanksgiving!
Happy Thanksgiving Everybody! I wanted to quickly share some photos of today before going to bed for the night (and so I can have something to do while I make sure Ryen is really back to sleep before I shut my eyes!)
I also want to share what I am thankful for this year. So here goes. I am so thankful for my beautiful family. My husband and my two little girls and my two beagles. I am so thankful that we have a mostly ;-) happy home and we all have our health. I am thankful for my parents and siblings (and their health) and am thankful that my Grandfather (Papa) is still with us as he is getting very old and every year with him is a blessing. I am thankful for all my wonderful friends (some new some old). I am thankful for the neighborhood I was lucky enough to have moved into it where I met wonderful people to socialize and raise my children with!
I am sure I can come up with a dozen or so more but those are the basics I am sure we all share and sometimes it just feels good to put them out there! Enjoy the Photos and Happy Thanksgiving. I hope you all have as many things to be thankful for.
PS: It actually rained HAIL here tonight! Hail the size of chic peas! I couldn't believe it so I took these photos below! It was coming down so hard it felt like someone was pouring marbles on my house! Cool huh??
I also want to share what I am thankful for this year. So here goes. I am so thankful for my beautiful family. My husband and my two little girls and my two beagles. I am so thankful that we have a mostly ;-) happy home and we all have our health. I am thankful for my parents and siblings (and their health) and am thankful that my Grandfather (Papa) is still with us as he is getting very old and every year with him is a blessing. I am thankful for all my wonderful friends (some new some old). I am thankful for the neighborhood I was lucky enough to have moved into it where I met wonderful people to socialize and raise my children with!
I am sure I can come up with a dozen or so more but those are the basics I am sure we all share and sometimes it just feels good to put them out there! Enjoy the Photos and Happy Thanksgiving. I hope you all have as many things to be thankful for.
PS: It actually rained HAIL here tonight! Hail the size of chic peas! I couldn't believe it so I took these photos below! It was coming down so hard it felt like someone was pouring marbles on my house! Cool huh??
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
My Other Love... OH and I have to mention TWILIGHT!
I have another love in my life... reading! Books were not a memorable part of my childhood that I can recall and later when we were assigned books to read in school, they were so dreadfully boring that it turned me off to reading all together. I hated Shakespeare or books like Jane Eyre or To Kill A Mockingbird. I know these are supposed to be classics but they can be intimidating books for young readers and they are not entertaining or engaging in my opinion. (Any book you have to read with a dictionary to look up words that haven't been used in 200 years, just are not for me.)
One day in high school I picked up a novel and read the description on the back. It sounded like such a cool story! That book was "The Bad Place" by Dean Koontz. It was Thriller/Sc-Fi/Horror Fiction book that kept me on the edge of my seat, gave me nightmares and had me reading under my covers when my Mom thought I was sleeping! I was hooked ever since.
In the last 14 mos I have read 40 Books. I am reading 4 simultaneously right now (my husband can NOT understand how I can do that). My friends don't understand how I find time with a newborn and a busy toddler to read over 3 books a month. But when you love reading and find it relaxing and engaging, like I do, you make time. My good friend Sara shares a passion for reading also! She introduced me to a fantastic website called SHELFARI! Where I can read and write reviews, find new books to read, set up a reading list and a virtual bookshelf too. It is awesome and I love it!
Sara also introduced to me an AMAZING series of books known as "The Twilight Series". Even if you are not a reader I am sure you have heard about these books. If you haven't just walk into any Barnes and Noble or Borders and you will be inundated with tables and signs advertising this series that has a cult like following of teeny bopper girls and women! Not in a long time have I come across a series that I couldnt wait for the next one and couldnt put it down. I begged my Mom to read the first book and she is now on the fourth. Now my sister Lisa just finished the first book and cant wait to read more! So of course being such a HUGE fan of this series I have been excited for months for the Twilight movie which racked up $70 mil in its opening weekend and caused lines at theaters around the Country. I finally got my chance last night. Honestly... it was painful to sit through. I have not seen a movie this bad in a long time. The movie honestly probably needed to be 3 hours long to do the story justice and develop the incredible characters! But the acting was horrible, the casting was horrible, the screen adaption from the book failed miserably. About 30-45 minutes in I told the girl next to me that if I hadn't read the book I would have walked out already. No surprise a few moments later two women did walk out... straight into the parking lot. I covered my eyes and shook my head through most of it. But it was like a train wreck I couldn't take my eyes off of. And the worst part of all...I love the books that much that I can't wait for the sequel!!!! Masochistic- I know, but I can't help it!
One day in high school I picked up a novel and read the description on the back. It sounded like such a cool story! That book was "The Bad Place" by Dean Koontz. It was Thriller/Sc-Fi/Horror Fiction book that kept me on the edge of my seat, gave me nightmares and had me reading under my covers when my Mom thought I was sleeping! I was hooked ever since. 
In the last 14 mos I have read 40 Books. I am reading 4 simultaneously right now (my husband can NOT understand how I can do that). My friends don't understand how I find time with a newborn and a busy toddler to read over 3 books a month. But when you love reading and find it relaxing and engaging, like I do, you make time. My good friend Sara shares a passion for reading also! She introduced me to a fantastic website called SHELFARI! Where I can read and write reviews, find new books to read, set up a reading list and a virtual bookshelf too. It is awesome and I love it! 
Sara also introduced to me an AMAZING series of books known as "The Twilight Series". Even if you are not a reader I am sure you have heard about these books. If you haven't just walk into any Barnes and Noble or Borders and you will be inundated with tables and signs advertising this series that has a cult like following of teeny bopper girls and women! Not in a long time have I come across a series that I couldnt wait for the next one and couldnt put it down. I begged my Mom to read the first book and she is now on the fourth. Now my sister Lisa just finished the first book and cant wait to read more! So of course being such a HUGE fan of this series I have been excited for months for the Twilight movie which racked up $70 mil in its opening weekend and caused lines at theaters around the Country. I finally got my chance last night. Honestly... it was painful to sit through. I have not seen a movie this bad in a long time. The movie honestly probably needed to be 3 hours long to do the story justice and develop the incredible characters! But the acting was horrible, the casting was horrible, the screen adaption from the book failed miserably. About 30-45 minutes in I told the girl next to me that if I hadn't read the book I would have walked out already. No surprise a few moments later two women did walk out... straight into the parking lot. I covered my eyes and shook my head through most of it. But it was like a train wreck I couldn't take my eyes off of. And the worst part of all...I love the books that much that I can't wait for the sequel!!!! Masochistic- I know, but I can't help it!
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Ryen ROLLED Over!
I forgot to mention something HUGE this week! Ryen rolled over! Not once but TWICE! After the first one I grabbed the camera and got it on video! Here it is below. Sorry it is so dark! She rolled over at exactly 7 weeks!!! Yeah Ryen!!!!
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Busy Week for Us!
So we have been trying to stay busy lately. Ella started an Art Class through the city of Chandler. Class one was learning about texture. Ella wasn't really into it actually. She wanted to leave and play on the stairs outside the classroom so hopefully it gets better and more stimulating for her. Thanks to inspiration from my friend Tanya (see Tanya's blog under my friends list)I have really started to make an effort to do creative things with Ella. Recently we made jellyfish and a fishbowl. Here are some photos:
Jelly Fish:
Fishbowls:
Also this week Ella and I had our friends over for a pre-Thanksgiving Pie Tasting. We all made a pie and for lunch we sampled each others pies. It was a lot of fun and the kids got to taste some too. The White Chocolate Strawberry and the Peanut Butter Pie seemed to be the most popular but I think because they were unique and not your normal Thanksgiving pie. Yummy!!
Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!
Jelly Fish:
Fishbowls:
Also this week Ella and I had our friends over for a pre-Thanksgiving Pie Tasting. We all made a pie and for lunch we sampled each others pies. It was a lot of fun and the kids got to taste some too. The White Chocolate Strawberry and the Peanut Butter Pie seemed to be the most popular but I think because they were unique and not your normal Thanksgiving pie. Yummy!!
Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Boycotting Thanksgiving?
Ok, so I have never been a fan of Thanksgiving! I enjoyed going to my Aunt & Uncle's house ever year as a kid & stuffing my face with my Aunt Janice's AMAZING meatballs. But about 10 years ago Thanksgiving started to lose its appeal for me. I know it is because I am a HUGE fan of Christmas & I wish people could start celebrating on Nov 1st instead of feeling forced to wait till the day after Thanksgiving. I always saw Thanksgiving as an obstacle to my being allowed to celebrate Christmas. My husband LOVES Christmas as much as I do. No surprise that Ella is OBSESSED with Christmas & Santa. She cant walk by a Christmas decoration or tree without yelling "Yeah- CHRISTMAS!!" She LOVES Santa too! See the video at the bottom of this post of her with dancing Santa! So The Carillis are boycotting Thanksgiving this year! Well sort of! We are going to our friend Yolanda's house to have turkey dinner, (thanks for the invite!) but we decided not to be pressured to wait till after Thanksgiving to show our Christmas spirit! So we put our Christmas decorations up inside the house already- including our tree (see photo above) & we will be putting up our outside decorations this weekend!
We also have a radio station out here 99.9 KEZ that started playing Christmas Carols on 11/8 for the REST of the year! So we have had that station on at all times in the house and car and Ella is already learning Christmas Carols and singing along! Merry Christmas!
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
10 in 10 Update
Well one fabulous year almost done and another about to start. Got me thinking what did I accomplish this year? Some of you will remember last year I issued a challenge to all my friends and family to join in me in what I call "10 in 10"! Here is how it worked- I asked you to come up with 10 things you want to do before you die. Then for the next 10 years try to cross one of those things off your list each year. No worries if you don't do one every year. You just have to try. I know at least Crissy and Deanna said they would join the challenge (and I am pretty sure Crissy got to cross another Marathon off her list!). Anyhow below was my list that I posted last year.
1. Have another Baby (completed Oct 2008)
2. Renew my Wedding Vows
3. Run a Half Marathon
4. Sky Dive
5. Take a Hot Air Balloon Ride
6. Spend a weekend in New York City
7. Go to Europe
8. Get really fit
9. Take some cooking classes
10. Take my children to Disney
Yeah! I was able to complete one! So looks like I need to add another one to my list to replace #1. See my revised list at the end of this post. Now looking at this list I see two things that I am looking to cross off this list in 2009 (renew marriage vows for 5 year anniverary, get really fit) Lets see if I can really attack this list in the next couple years so I can have lot of fun adding new things to it!
1. Renew my Wedding Vows
2. Run a Half Marathon
3. Sky Dive
4. Take a Hot Air Balloon Ride
5. Spend a weekend in New York City
6. Go to Europe
7. Get really fit
8. Take some cooking classes
9. Take my children to Disney
10. Go to Atlantis in the Bahamas
Date Night at Jason Mraz Concert
Ok so hubby and I had date night last night and WHAT A BLAST! We went to The Dodge Theater to see JASON MRAZ (I LOVE HIM!!!!!!!). He puts on an awesome live show. You probably know him as the singer of Remedy which was a hit off his first album (Waiting For My Rocket To Come) back in 2002 or so. I am OBSESSED with his Mr. A-Z album that he came out with in 2005/2006 and now his latest album (We Sing We Dance We Steal Things) has produced one of the biggest hits of the Summer... "I'm Yours!"
I have played this song so many times in the car that when it came on about a month ago Ella yelled out "Mommy's Favorite Song!" Yes my not even two year old knew it was my favorite song with out my telling her! *Weird side note that this song came on during my C-Section with Ryen just as she was being born! The nurse turned it up for me because Jimmy told her it was my favorite song. Moments later my surgeon asked the operating room staff "who is singing?". She thought it was one of the nurses or doctors singing behind their mask and someone answered her and said "the patient is singing!" They all started laughing and said well that's good news! I think it was a first for them! Check out the song (and video) to "I'm Yours" here
Not to mention the girl that opened for him was AWESOME! She reminded me of Bjourk but she was fresh of the boat from Ireland with an ADORABLE soft spoken voice and accent. Her nature was humble and appreciative and she got so into her music she looked like she was in a trance and I LOVE when artists get that into their music. Almost like she forgot we were in the room with her. To learn more about Lisa Hannigan or hear her music (highly recommended) click here
Monday, November 17, 2008
Turkey Crafting?
Ok so I came across this craft on a website and thought I would try it with Ella. I invited my friend Amanda and her 18 month old Paxton to join us. Well needless to say the craft was adorable as you can see in the photo below. Only problem was Amanda and I did all the work.
Paxton just wanted to chase my dogs all over the house and Ella was trying to stick googly eyes in her mouth and kept begging to get down from the table so she could chase Paxton, who was chasing the dogs. Amanda and I trucked on like troopers however and completed the craft, wondering why the heck we tried to have them do a craft that was more for a 5 year old.
But live and learn. Either way the Turkeys came out good and the kids at least had fun holding them (and trying to ruin them!)
To learn how to make them click here. Happy Thanksgiving!
Paxton just wanted to chase my dogs all over the house and Ella was trying to stick googly eyes in her mouth and kept begging to get down from the table so she could chase Paxton, who was chasing the dogs. Amanda and I trucked on like troopers however and completed the craft, wondering why the heck we tried to have them do a craft that was more for a 5 year old.
But live and learn. Either way the Turkeys came out good and the kids at least had fun holding them (and trying to ruin them!)
To learn how to make them click here. Happy Thanksgiving!
Saturday, November 1, 2008
I'm BACK!!!
Well looking at this REVITALIZED blog of mine, I can’t believe it has been almost a year since I have posted something. I stopped blogging because I was worried I would have nothing to say... can you believe that? An East Coaster who can't find something to say? Normally I don't shut up! LOLAnyhow I guess I felt pressured to write about something other than my kids. But now I realize why shouldn't I blog about my kids and all the joys and TEARS that come with raising these little angels! So although I do send out a ridiculous amount of photos to my friends and family on both coasts through our family website, I wanted a place where I could share my trials and tribulations, thoughts and tales of my days striving to be SUPER-WIFE and SUPER-MOM.
Hope you enjoy the posts! Subscribe to my blog to receive notification of new posts!
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