I used to see failure all around me. The stack of mail I hadn't gotten to in weeks, even though I tell myself everyday I will sit down and open it. The brown grout lines in my tile that should be light beige. The little dark circles on my floor from a juice box that was held too tightly, that I step over all week. The folded clothes on my girls' floors that need to be put in drawers or hung on hangers. The little pink rings that stare at me from the toilet bowl begging to be brushed away. The dirty foot prints in my bathtub from my black footed children climbing in it for their latest adventure...
I don't look at those as failures anymore. Cause now I see that the reason for those things is simple. We are busy living our lives. Enjoying our lives. Tasting our lives. There will always be toilets to scrub and tubs to clean. Laundry to put away and footprints to mop up. But maybe you wont get another chance to curl up with your babies to watch Snow White for the first time. Or to cuddle with your husband and dogs to watch Life on discovery in our big comfy bed. Or even to warm up with a hot coffee, a big blanket and a great book or a guilty tv pleasure.
Sure the taxes still need to be filed. And thank you cards mailed. And photos downloaded to the computer. And workouts to complete. And orders to fill, and blogs to post. But missing these things in favor of more important things in life... is beautiful. I have the best husband in the world. He is a clean freak, comes from a military family where everything has its place. Where you get everything done before you reward yourself with pleasures or lazy comforts. And yet he barely mentions our "dirty" house. Maybe because it is only dirty to us. Maybe because his friends ask him, how his wife manages to always keep the house clean. (even if he and I know- I cant take all the credit). I love that he offers to grocery shop for me so I can take the girls to the park instead. I love that he surprises me with clean toilets and vacuum lines in rugs, that I would take any day over flowers in a vase. I love that he dusts when he thinks it needs it, instead of complaining. I love that the only time he mentions my lack of cleaning (which sometimes can last over 10 days) is when I mention I am going to try to clean soon, and he chuckles and says "you actually clean?". I love that he does the laundry cause he knows I hate it and suck at is, and I love that even when I wash the dishes he ignores that I leave the silverware in the bin, cause I HATE washing silverware almost as much as I hate laundry. I am so lucky to have his help and his patience. I love you honey and I know I don't say thank you enough.
I think Jimmy understands what I am trying to do and how I am trying to focus on spending time with these little angels before they are gone 7 hours a day in school, 5 days a week. I think we are both finally starting to understand that sometimes it is ok for us to ignore the dishes in the sink for a couple more hours in favor of watching the girls bounce in our backyard bounce house, or so he can play a video game and I can surf Facebook while our littles watch Nick Jr. There are always chores to do to prevent you from enjoying life. And it is perfectly ok to ignore them sometimes so that you can.
This is not failure at all. It is unorganized, messy, chaotic, fun, perfectly beautiful success! Right now my house is clean. And Jimmy is taking Ella to Makutus island, so Mommy can take Ryen out to lunch, play and ice cream.
Life is beautiful... go live it.